


Monstrous Vacation

by Sweet_Satura



Series: Lordi! Adventures of a Monster Band [1]
Category: Lordi (Finland Band)
Genre: Gen, Lordi - Freeform, Monster comedy, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21551854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Satura/pseuds/Sweet_Satura
Summary: The monsters of Lordi are back from months of touring and want to go on vacation all together. Possible alright, but where to go? - [2015 Line-up] [TW: Swearing, light mentions of gore]
Series: Lordi! Adventures of a Monster Band [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553146
Kudos: 2





	Monstrous Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on Monsterboard in February 2014, now revised and revamped! Hope you enjoy!  
> \- Miss-Elodia

Somewhere in Finland, when night had fallen for a long time already and people were fast asleep, five souls were still well awake. Five monsters of different breeds were sitting around the dining room table, in front of a pile empty cans of beer and Pepsi Max. After a long moment of silence and fingers tapping in annoyance, the monster with red eyes stood up and looked at his fellows, stern and dominant.

Mr Lordi: Now you listen. The tour is over. No more bus travel, no more pretending to be masked humans, none of that shit. We have three months to unwind and I say we need a good vacation. So I'm asking you all: Where. Are. We. Going?

Hella: We?

Mr Lordi: Yes, we. We've been going on holidays seperatly for so long, I thought it could be cool to go all together this year.

The Doll held a hand to her nape in embarassment.

Hella: L... Do you even remember the last time we went somewhere all together?

Amen: Oh I do! It was so much fun.

OX: Totally.

Hella: You mean getting lost in the airport, nearly missing our plane? Me falling down the stairs upon our arrival breaking my legs? Mana and L playing with fireworks on the beach scaring everyone? Not to mention OX got nearly caught in a trap because some maniac wanted to eat him? Also let me remind you Amen, you got chased by fangirls and ended up trapped on barbed wires on the top of a wall. You're telling me all of that was FUN?

Amen: Well, yeah. It's not my fault if I'm a girl magnet.

Mana: Fireworks are always fun.

OX: And I'm the one who ate this maniac anyway.

Mr Lordi: And I repaired your legs in the hours that followed! You had a great time, didn't you?

Hella: Yeah but... That wasn't my idea of nice holidays...

Mr Lordi: Ugh... Okay Hella. We'll be careful this time.

The Lord and his friends crossed fingers behind their backs. A sigh escaped her forever smile as she got up and searched inside a nearby drawer. She retrieved an old fashion map from it and laid it on the table for all to see, knocking off the cans in the process.

Hella: Well, since you're all so much into the idea, where are we going then?

Amen: What about a field trip? We could go to the USA. May I add that we look cool with cow-boy hats and sunglasses. Remember Ozzfest?

Mr Lordi: It was cool indeed, but when this fan told me I looked like an undead Lemmy with these things on, I freaked out a little. I swear if I see that little bitch again he'll experience my undeadness in all its fucking glory!

OX: Amen to that!

Amen: What?

OX: Nevermind. I'm already happy that we get to go to Japan for a festival, so I suggest Australia! That would be a nice change of scenery for us.

Amen: Not bad. We would blend well with the fauna.

Mr Lordi: Come on! Seasons are switched there! They celebrate Christmas in summer! On the beach! _The fucking beach!_

The Lord buried his face in his hand, and the Pastor patted his back sympathetically.

Mana: You really can't stand the lack of snow, can you?

Mr Lordi: This and the lack of Pepsi. That's why... I suggest Canada! There is snow there at that time of the year, and nature and its wildlife suit me. I'd feel like home.

Hella: Isn't the purpose of holidays to forget about home and your everyday life for a while and enjoy something new?

Mana : If you wanna feel like home, why don't you stay here ?

Mr Lordi: Vacations are a good way to forget about neighbors.

He grumbled, his hold on his can of Pepsi got so strong it squished it. The Mummy cleared his throat.

Amen: Point taken.

Hella: I agree on this. But look guys, you wanna go but we can't even agree on a destination.

Mana: Hey! I didn't say where I wanted to go!

Hella: Fine, where do you want to go?

Mana: I don't know.

The Doll facepalmed, accompanied by the chuckles of her band mates.

OX: Well, it doesn't help.

Amen stood up and went to the fridge. He grabbed a fresh human heart and took a bite of it like it was an apple. As he chewed loudly, cold blood ran down his mouth and splashed on the floor.

Amen: So?

Mr Lordi: For fuck's sake Amen! You're smearing that shit everywhere! I cleaned up this morning, goddammit!

Amen: Oops. Sorry, I'll clean.

Mr Lordi: It better be pristine or I'll use your bandages to scrub the toilets clean!

Mana: Amen to that.

Amen: What now?

Mana: Nothing, silly.

Hella took a sip of lemonade from her straw, her head resting on her palm, petrified eyes staring in the empty. Mana joined his hands together as if in a prayer.

Mana: Oki-doki. We still have no destination. Let me summarize: We need something where there's Pepsi, a cold but not too clod weather, new things to see, landscapes to discover, not too noisy, not much people.

All: Pretty much, yeah.

Hella: Is there really a place that gathers all these preferences?

OX: Maybe. The thing is we've already been in so many countries for concerts that there are few choices left.

Amen: It's not "maybe", OX. There are countries that actually reunite all those things.

Mr Lordi: Really?

Amen: Indeed my friends and one country especially could suit us pretty well.

All eyes rested on the Mummy as he grinned, leaning back in his chair.

Hella: We're listening.

_~2 months later~_

At the airport of Vantaa, a small plane landed on the concrete strip, making its way towards the main areas. When it came to a stop, all 5 monsters got out, their luggages in hand. Their clothes were partly shredded and discolored, their hair messy and their skin had burn marks and bruises. Eyes heavy and stern, they all stared at Amen.

OX: Well done, smarty pants.

Hella: Iceland, heh? Amen, it's the very last time we follow your ideas.

Amen: Come on! It wasn't that bad.

Burning eyes weighed even more on the Mummy and he tugged on the bandages around his neck.

Amen: Well okay, bathing in geysers was a bad idea.

Hella: SO WAS CLIFF JUMPING, ICEBERG SKIING, FOX CHASING AND ALL THE SHIT YOU ALL PUT ME THROUGH!

Mana: Those foxes were so much fun, and almighty god... SO CUTE.

Mr Lordi: And there was Pepsi.

Hella threw her head back and groaned.

Hella: Boys, I adore you with all my heart, but I'll never go on holidays with you again!

The monstermen crossed their fingers behind their backs.

Boys: That's what you think for now, my dear…

Mr Lordi: Amen to that.

Amen: Will you stop calling me for no fucking reason?!


End file.
